_{Feeling Safe…..The Prequel to Pleasure}

Hello Beautiful. Ready for the weekend? I’m excited to welcome a few new subscribers each week as our community continues to grow. Pleasure is your birthright and this newsletter is here to remind you to discover more daily pleasures (get curious) and develop a healthy connection with your body.

Wow, did I have an amazing experience going to the drum retreat in New Hampshire last weekend. It was just what my body, mind, and spirit needed.

There were 40 individuals gathered (36 women & 4 men…2 of the men were with their wives). One of the husbands was the one who planned this retreat as a present for his wife! When we went around the circle to introduce ourselves and state why we signed up, most of the individuals said that they were there just because of Marla’s (the teacher) energy.

It was a great reminder that it isn’t always what you offer, it can be your presence (the energy you transmit to those around you) that is a magnet to others. Before the introductions, I thought I was the only one who simply signed up because I wanted to be around Marla.

Together, we belly danced, grocery shopped, ate meals, practiced new drumming styles and rhythms, sang, and had a sharing on the last evening (aka Talent Show). It filled my spirit up with such positive energy that I am committed to picking up my drum (I specifically bought a smaller, lighter one) daily, to walk around my house and play some rhythms that feel pleasurable.

It will be a new daily pleasure practice for me to play my drum. Something that has revealed itself is that I don’t have to play my drum quietly. In fact, I get more pleasure playing the same rhythm on my drum, when I play the drum more forcefully…who knew? And that’s why I say, stay curious and experiment with new ways to do things you already do.

In this week’s edition, we are exploring the connection between your body feeling calm (= your autonomic nervous system is in rest & digest mode vs fight or flee mode) and how this translates to experiencing more pleasure.

Feature Article

How Safety translates to more Pleasure

A little review (a really abbreviated version, but I’m linking a funny 9 minute video below, that describes it really well) of the Autonomic Nervous System, called ANS for short, which has two parts.

The Sympathetic “SNS”, isn’t sympathetic at all. I mean, it is designed to help us survive and since you are reading this newsletter, it is doing it’s job!

The SNS activates your heart to beat faster and your arteries to constrict and your digestion to slow down so more blood goes to your muscles to run or fight. Activation happens easily in our current world from perceived threats (real or imagined).

The other part of the ANS is called the Parasympathetic “PNS” and is the anti-stress portion of your nervous system. This system has more 1:1 connections to your organs and sends the message to slow down your heart rate and breathing, to turn on your digestion, and improve blood flow to your organs.

As you can imagine, feeling more pleasure happens when blood flow is increased to sexual organs, skin, lips, etc. It’s hard to focus on pleasure when the brain is busy scanning the environment for stress with the sympathetic nervous system activated.

What are good ways to activate your parasympathetic nervous system?

1. Breathing

One of the most accessible tools to help your body switch from stressed to calm is through your breathing. Practice breathing in through your nose and then elongate the exhale. For instance if you take three seconds to breathe in, take five or six seconds to exhale. Try this for 5-10 rounds of inhales and exhales.

Add humming to your exhale or add a long audible sigh after practicing the above breathing exercise. Breathing and humming help to activate your Vagus Nerve which connects to many internal organs (such as your stomach, intestines, heart, lungs, pancreas, liver, bladder, vocal cords, and sexual organs) and encourages them to rest and repair.

2. Moving your body

Your body functions better with regular physical activity of daily living. Adding ten minutes of movement a couple times per day can help burn off the excess cortisol that builds up from living in the sympathetic fight or flee mode.

You can take a walk around your office or neighborhood. You can play your favorite upbeat music and move/dance/bounce your body in a way that feels pleasurable.

One of my favorite ways to end my day is called Non-linear Movement Method “NLMM” taught by one of my mentor’s, Michaela Boehm (author of Wild Woman Way).

The basic technique is to get on your hands and knees on a softer surface like a carpet or yoga mat and put on some music with no lyrics. Gently close your eyes and feel the music.

Begin to move any part of your body for the entire length of the song (I have playlists if you are interested, hit reply and let me know you are interested and I’ll send them to you) OR you can do this movement without music and maybe just set a timer on your phone for 3-5 minutes to begin with.

You are simply moving what you are feeling. If you feel happy…move as happiness. If you feel sad….move as sadness. If you feel tired….move as tiredness (no one is judging you). It’s a great way to connect with your body and move your feelings.

3. Tapping (also called EFT Tapping)

The third suggestion for helping your body find safety is a technique called Emotional Freedom Technique “EFT” or tapping. It actually has a lot of studies to prove that it is effective in reducing stress and anxiety in your body.

My sister Carol and I used it in 2021 when we went to Asheville, NC and I wanted to do a zip line, but both of us had anxiety of heights. I told Carol about it and we did the tapping exercise a dozen times before the trip and right before the excursion. It was very helpful and I didn’t have my usual fear of heights.

Here is a video of Nick Ortner, CEO of The Tapping Solution (his company has hundreds of specific tapping videos and an app with a subscription) explaining tapping and giving a seven minute demo to coach, author, and podcaster Maria Forleo:

Now it’s your turn

What is your take away from this issue?

How can you build in a small habit to create more daily pleasure in your life?

How can you create more safety in your nervous system?

We would love to hear from you regarding the suggestions or your experience actually trying something new. Just hit reply, and let me know what you think or how you feel. I’m definitely interested 😀 

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