_{Too Little Time (Edition #108)}

Another Friday and heading into the Labor Day Weekend in the US. We hope that you have some plans to relax and do what regenerates your internal battery. Whether that’s carving out some alone time, being outside in nature, creating art, receiving a massage or pedicure, or celebrating with friends and family, the point is that it feels good and is good for you. Have you previously identified activities that help you to feel recharged?

This weekly newsletter is here as your short and sweet reminder that pleasure is healing for your nervous system. It will take some active planning on your part to update the unconscious conditioning from your past that has you believing it is selfish to add in pleasure and prioritize yourself.

Last week, we looked at how an overactive caretaking system can lead to resentment. This week we will look at another thief of pleasure…an overscheduled life.

I don’t know anyone personally who has the whole work/life balance thing figured out. Role models for proactive rest and relaxation or offering yourself compassion are not mainstream. Societal norms make it more like a badge of honor to respond to the question, “How are you doing?” with “I’m so busy”.

Many times it isn’t a conscious choice. You aren’t looking to add more “to do’s” to your overscheduled life. However, without clear boundaries the Nice Girl inside of us continues to say “yes” to work, family, church, community, etc., when we really should say “No, that doesn’t work for me” (& leave it at that).

It’s the culture and conditioning that culminates into this overscheduled life that borders on burnout. It often takes an injury, illness, divorce, or other negative life event to shine an unflattering spotlight on our unsustainable pace (I’ve been there myself multiple times).

And the irony is that the mandatory extra time that is required to address your injury, illness, or other negative life event can now be a stress on top of a stress.

The answers here are not a quick fix or quick tip. Sorry. The way out of this is giving yourself weekly or daily self compassion for your current life predicament and finding a supportive friend or community to help you stay accountable to keep prioritizing your well-being.

Learning a new way of “being” (kinder to yourself, prioritzing yourself, saying no more often) will indeed have some “epic fails” on the road to success. That is a part of any learning process. Failure isn’t the opposite of success, it is a necessary component of success.

You are on a lifelong journey of empowerment beautiful one. You will improve faster by hanging out with people who share this same goal. They can remind you of how far you have progressed and help you celebrate your successes!

For this week, let’s look at a time management perspective to help you carve out more time for pleasure AND highlight how internal and external pressures act like a wet blanket to pleasure.

Feature Article

The Four Quadrants of Time

I don’t know if this will be a refresher or a totally new concept for you, but this was a game changer in 1998 for me regarding time management. It’s origins came from former President Eisenhower and it is called the “Eisenhower Matrix”. Stephen Covey, is also given credit for these four quadrants of time management that he talks about in his book, Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.

I’m not saying that knowing about these four quadrants will instantly make you better about prioritizing your well-being and pleasure. We have all met healthcare experts who don’t follow their own advice, because knowledge alone doesn’t change behavior.

But, knowledge can be power to help you identify where you are spending too much of your waking hours (hint: in quadrants 1,3, & 4) and is an important assessment step to implementing change.

Here is a visual of the four quadrants:

The first thing to look at is that there are two columns at the top, identified as “Urgent” and “Not Urgent” activities. There are two rows identified as “Important” and “Not Important” activities.

The four quadrants are identified as the following:

• Q1 = activities that are Important + Urgent

• Q2 = activities that are Important + Not Urgent

• Q3 = activities that are Urgent + Not Important

• Q4 = activities that are Not Urgent + Not Important

Watch this easy to digest, seven minute video by Naomi of “Todoist” YouTube Channel explain the four quadrants.

The summary is that Q1 activities are REAL and urgent and do need your immediate attention. They will always exist. But you can reduce some of the Q1 by doing prevention activities which are Q2.

Q2 is the sweet spot of making changes that elevate your life, your sense of purpose, your well-being, your career, your relationships, your love life, etc. It’s the “deep work” that is not focused on a problem. Coaching can help you with growing this quadrant.

By putting first things first (Q2), the quadrants 1,3 & 4 won’t feel like they own your whole waking life.

Q3 is where delegation skills and having clear boundaries are key. This is the quadrant that can feel like the problem is urgent because other people are telling you it is a “crisis”. Without boundaries, their problems become your problems.

For most people, Q3 is improved with practice. It helps to have an accountability partner to share small & big wins and frustrations, while being open to reflections on how to keep chipping away at this quadrant being bigger than it should be. Professional coaching or counseling can also help with minimizing this quadrant.

Q4 becomes a default when your cup is “empty” and it’s easier to order take out and watch Netflix than work on Q2 activities in your free time.

Prioritizing time in Q2 helps reduce your time spent in the other quadrants but it isn’t a quick fix. If you have spare time to read or listen to his audiobook, author James Clear of Atomic Habits, does a great job of helping readers find small ways to implement habits that can grow your Q2. (He doesn’t call it that).

Pleasure & Creativity Need Space

Pleasure is decreased by pressure to Perform

Can you squeeze in some pleasure between noon-12:15 p.m? It depends. But, if you “feel” a time pressure or impose an internalized pressure to have the activity turn out a certain way……the answer is No.

We will devote another issue of Bloom to brainstorming ways to add in pleasure (throughout your day) in short 10-15 minute increments. For this week, we are introducing another concept along with the Eisenhower Matrix, called the Inverted-U Theory (we are feeling extra brainy this week) which is related to “Flow State”.

Flow = is a term in positive psychology, where the person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, enjoys the process of the activity, and loses a sense of time (and space).

Have you ever experienced this state of being? It becomes elusive when you “try” to get into flow state (similar to “trying” to have an orgasm). The way through involves getting out of your head and learning to live/be in the present moment.

The graph below shows how the area of best performance is affected by internally or externally created pressure. The Inverted-U Theory, originated from two psychology reseachers looking at performance in 1906 and the model has not been changed in over a hundred years.

Peak performance is experienced when the amount of pressure you experience is matched to the work/task/behavior. If you experience too much or too little pressure, performance declines.

It’s amusing that too little pressure creates boredom which negatively influences performance. The sweet spot of best performance/Flow State is related to the complexity of the task, the skill level, and the individual’s current health and mental self talk.

The point of showing you this graph is to highlight that time pressure or your own internal pressure to perform will rob you of pleasure. Pleasure can be like the illusive butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it flies away. But, sit quietly, don’t chase….just Be, and she is more likely to come back to you.

Enjoy your long weekend holiday!

Now it’s your turn

What is your take away from this issue?

Who is an accountability friend you can pair up with to practice growing your Q2 activities and lessening Q’s 1,3, & 4? Tell her/him today about this email (or forward it) and set up a weekly check in.

How can you build in a small habit to create more daily pleasure in your life (Q2)?

Where have you experienced Flow State in your life? What were your doing? How can you create more opportunities to feel Flow?

We would love to hear from you regarding the suggestions, your experience actually trying something new, or topics you would like to see addressed in future issues. Just hit reply, and let me know what you think or how you feel. I’m definitely interested 😀 

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