_{I See You}

Hello Beautiful Soul. TGIF. How was your extra day free day this week? Did you savor it?

Over last weekend, my sister and I relaxed at my campsite called Pearl Lake, which is near the Wisconsin border and fit in most of our favorite activities.

We tried a new restaurant on Friday night to expand from our typical margarita and fajitas, and now have a second option of sushi, edamame, and a side salad with ginger dressing (man, I love a good ginger dressing!).

We connected with the local vendors of the Beloit Farmer’s Market on Saturday, split our usual breakfast at Bagel’s & More, and then explored a couple new to us local shops where, thanks to Carol, I found three new pairs of flaired hippy pants (when you find something you love, you stock up).

Afternoons were spent “forest bathing”, which means that we first do yoga stretches on the shaded deck beside my camper and then listen to recorded meditations on apps like Calm or Waking up (links below for free no commitment trials), while looking up at the trees, birds, blue sky and occasional passing clouds.

I felt an amazing pop/release in my neck after letting it rest on a stretching device (see link below) during the forest bathing and I give credit to the fact that my body felt no pressure to do anything but relax and look at nature. I’m blessed that my sister enjoys doing similar self care activities and her commitment to self care ramps up mine.

We did not fit in kayaking, but we did bike ride to a nearby lake and sampled the frozen raspberry & lime Dole Whip swirl at the local Dairy Dream. I BBQ’d a couple of burgers and then it was time to close up and drive back to Chicago. Good times always seem to go by too fast.

Last week’s newsletter looked at a time management system that could help you to deal with an overscheduled life using the Eisenhower Matrix.

This week we will look at the topic of being seen, how it creates both positive and pensive feelings, and how it relates to pleasure and well-being. Let’s dive in.

Feature Article

Invisible? (Part A)

A good friend Tina (not her real name and details changed to protect her identity) did a vision board with me in January some years back and pasted a picture similar to the one at the top of this newsletter.

It’s an intriging photo with the clear eye of a woman whose face is covered up with a leaf, so you only get to see one of her eyes looking back at you. I asked Tina what she wanted to attract that year and she stated, “I want to be comfortable being seen”. 

Tina has spent most of her fifty plus years avoiding being the target of her parent’s scrutiny or anger and feels uncomfortable calling attention to herself. Because of this she doesn’t post on social media, wear makeup very often or form fitting clothes.

Decades have gone by with her playing the role of the quiet supporter of family and friends. She is the one to organize the rummage sale at her church, she is the bookkeeper for her husband’s dental practice, and she financially and emotionally supported her cousin for a year after he lost his job and confidence post divorce.

The year she consciously chose to get comfortable with being seen was the year before she signed up for a coaching course. It’s now been almost five years since that vision board.

As a coach, she runs women’s circles to help other women who feel invisible get to feel seen and heard. After twenty five years of raising children, she and her husband are adjusting to the quiet (& at times lonely) life of being empty nesters. Do our children really “see” us? Not sure, but living in a home minus three sets of eyes takes time.

When it comes to her community of fellow antique hunters, Tina is finding her sweet spot of being seen. This is a newer group with whom she feels the most comfortable with. These collectors don’t put an emphasis on looking or acting perfect, which gives Tina permission to be herself.

She enjoys posting her rare finds on her social media account and driving to nearby states for antique glass meet up groups. When Tina and I get together for our monthly dinners, she is bubbly and animated as she recounts the thrill of the hunt for an obscure pitcher she found at an estate sale that glows under a black light, because it has uranium in it.

I think that vintage glass antiquing mirrors Tina’s own journey of feeling safe to allow herself to be seen. This is her (and all of our) never-ending journey to reclaim her authentic self and feel empowered.

Just as her beloved vintage glass glows beneath a black light flashlight, Tina glows brightly as she focuses on activities that connect her to her authentic self. These activities will be unique for each of you, but you can recognize them in how they make you feel happy & energized.

Here is a link to a video on Vintage Glass, skip to 1 minute 47 seconds to see how this special glass lights up under a black light.

Seeing others? (Part B)

There is a local Aldi grocery store walking distance from my townhouse. Earlier this week, as I got closer to the entrance, I noticed a homeless man standing outside. It’s not the first time I’ve seen this particular man, quietly leaning against the brick wall. I’ve probably seen him about ten times this summer.

The plan I formed in my mind as I was about twenty feet away was to take a few folded dollars and hand it to him on my way out of the store.

Ironically, when I was about to enter the store, he made eye contact with me and said “hello” with a smile. I smiled back at him, said “hello” and made some comment about how “nice” the weather was. Then, he said quietly, “it feels nice to be seen”. Wow. That one line went straight into my heart like an arrow.

I know that I picked up the Caramel Machiatto Iced Coffee, blueberries, and paper plates that prompted me to walk over to Aldi’s, but honestly, I went into autopilot. My mind was busy processing those six words the homeless man just said, “it feels nice to be seen”.

He is the reason this is the topic of choice for this week’s newsletter. And his name is Tim.

So, my question/prompt to you beautiful reader is: How can we offer others, as well as offer ourselves, the gift of being seen?

First thing I think about is how slowing down the pace of my life helps give me the time to connect and “see” people who are right in front of me. When I’m rushing around it isn’t conducive to giving someone else the gift of my full attention.

Unfortunately, when I don’t give myself enough down time during the day to fit in an unplanned conversation, I sometimes secretly feel annoyed when someone I know or don’t know strikes up a conversation with me. Can you relate? Can the other person feel/detect that annoyance? I feel like I can.

Saturdays at the Farmer’s Market in Beloit, Wisconson equates to my slowing down day and over the past five of the last seven summers, I set the intention to be in the present moment and get to know some of these local vendors.

I stand inside or in front of their booths each week, saying hello, making eye contact, and asking them about why they started their business and what they have. Here are three:

William the Iconic Fungi Man wants to buy a piece of land nearby to grow his mushrooms and expand his line of dried mushroom jerky, teas, & tinctures (All are delicious and Lion’s Mane, Turkey Tail, & Reishi are a few “adaptogens” shown to help with mental clarity).

Leixia (pronounced Ley-sha) of Black Pencil Jewelry is a gifted designer who is taking a break this summer from many years of creating jewelry to go back to school to become a registered nurse. Carol and I own twenty plus pieces of her unique and nature inspired earrings, rings, and necklaces.

Kat and Deanna of Groovy Green Leaf have transitioned to creating funky bags/purses handmade from repurposed fabric (see photo above of us showing off our purchases). This is their first year at the Beloit Farmer’s Market and they hope to get their purses into more local brick and mortar shops.

The Benefits of Eye Contact (Part C)

Feeling seen and heard by someone is a gift that doesn’t cost you anything to give except your time and attention. And it benefits you.

Eye contact and smiling are powerful tools for social interaction, with profound effects on our nervous systems. They can trigger a cascade of neurochemical responses in both the giver and the receiver.

Benefits for the Receiver

• Increased Oxytocin: When we make eye contact and smile, our brains release oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone." Oxytocin promotes feelings of trust, bonding, and connection. It also plays a role in reducing stress and anxiety.

• Reduced Cortisol: Cortisol is a stress hormone. Eye contact and smiling can help lower cortisol levels, leading to a sense of calm and well-being.

• Improved Mood: The release of oxytocin and the reduction of cortisol can significantly improve mood. This can help alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety.

• Enhanced Empathy: Eye contact and smiling can facilitate empathy by helping us connect with the emotions of others. This can foster stronger social relationships.

Benefits for the Giver

• Increased Happiness: Engaging in acts of social connection, like eye contact and smiling, can boost our own happiness and well-being.

• Reduced Stress: Helping others feel good can be a powerful stress reliever.

• Strengthened Social Bonds: Consistent positive interactions can strengthen social bonds and create a sense of belonging.

• Improved Self-Esteem: Feeling connected to others can boost self-esteem and confidence.

Now it’s your turn

What is your take away from this issue?

How comfortable are you with being seen? On a scale of 1-10 (1 is uncomfortable and 10 is “bring it on”) What number would you like it to be?

Is your comfort limited to certain circumstances like being seen only in your professional life vs your physical body? Does it matter who is looking? (it does to me)

How do you feel about being seen when you feel bloated?, at a heavier weight?, without make-up?, or on a bad hair day?

Thoughts to ponder, discuss with a friend or journal about 🧐 

See you again next Friday!

We would love to hear from you regarding this topic of being seen, your experience of making more eye contact and smiling, or topics you would like to see addressed in future issues. Just hit reply, and let me know what you think or how you feel. I’m definitely interested 😀 

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