_{Expand Your Experience of Pleasure}

Happy Friday Beautiful,

Did you miss me? I took an unplanned break from creating last week’s newsletter after having a great time celebrating my 62nd birthday (9/25) and then realizing that when one spends their free evenings celebrating with friends and family, there isn’t any time left to write a newsletter. Oops!

But, part of living a life dedicated to holistic well-being, nurturing healthy relationships with family and selected friends, and learning to slow down the pace of living in this fast-paced world will equate to dropping the ball occasionally on self-imposed timelines/deadlines. And yet the world did not stop spinning (gasp).

Type A’s and Perfectionists can develop ulcers, migraines, autoimmune diseases, or other bodily symptoms from the self-imposed stress of unmet goals and deadlines. The former Clare would have spent a lot of time self condemming. The current Clare offered herself the perspective “Will this really matter months or a year from now?” Followed up with, “What did I learn from this so I can prevent it from happening again?”

What I’m not saying is that I don’t care and that I’m lowering my standards. What I am saying is that this newsletter is a new endeavor, and my original thought months ago was to write it every other week. This is what my inner voice told me. The pace felt sustainable given a full time job and my commitment to producing podcasts.

My newsletter coach convinced me to offer Bloom every week. He seemed to know more than I did, but later I learned that we are not aligned on core values and I’m no longer working with him.

Has that ever happened to you? Where your inner voice told you one thing and then you gave your power away to an outsider?

I’m going to give myself until the end of 2024 to decide whether to slow the pace to an every other week newsletter or to find a VA/collaborator. These are both workable solutions that support reducing the stress of a self created new weekly commitment. If you have a different idea, I would love to hear from you.

I think all of us have obligations and workloads that can feel overwhelming at times. Prioritizing your well-being physically, emotionally, and mentally involves making decisions that can disappoint others who are used to you doing the extra work.

Can you live with disappointing others so that you protect your boundaries and health? It’s not anything most of us were taught, so it is a behavior to be developed and a negative feeling (disappointing someone) to be processed. It helps to have at least one supporter when you are processing those feelings. They remind you of your worth, your well-being, and that the human experience is all about learning lessons.

If you are a multi-passionate person who enjoys doing many things, it’s an on-going challenge to decide what to say “yes” to and what other fun things, people, or events you must say “no” to.

The more you can get still and listen to the subtle messages from your body, the more you will feel settled in your decisions (the ones right for you), despite knowing that there will be people disappointed in you.

I hope that my confession this week resonates for you about something similar in your life that you can relate to. Living a life committed to offering yourself the same compassion and kindness you give to others is not easy, but it makes your life much better.

Guilt blocks the ability to feel pleasure and joy.

This week’s newsletter is about a holistic approach to Expanding Your Experience of Pleasure and my guest talks about the importance of listening to the messages our bodies daily. Below are the highlights from my recent interview with Sexologist, Pleasure Educator, and Embodiment Teacher Bonnie Bliss. Her episode is still fresh in my mind. The podcast will be live to listen to October 21.

I hope that you enjoy and feel empowered from Bonnie’s wisdom. I sure did.

Feature Article

Expand Your Experience of Pleasure

What does Pleasure mean to Bonnie?

Pleasure has a very expansive and holistic meaning in her approach:

1. Whole-body pleasure: Bonnie emphasizes that pleasure isn’t limited to just genital or sexual pleasure, but can be experienced through all the senses and in the body as a whole. This includes pleasurable sensations from touch, movement, taste, sound, and more.

2. Everyday embodied pleasure: Bonnie believes pleasure can be found in the simple, everyday experiences of being in the body, like feeling the wind on your skin or the grass under your feet. It's about cultivating presence and awareness of these sensations.

3. Orgasmic states: While Bonnie doesn't solely focus on orgasms, she does explore the potential for expanded, prolonged states of orgasmic pleasure that go beyond the traditional peak experience. These can involve a deep sense of relaxation, expansion, and connection.

4. Sensual exploration: Bonnie encourages women to approach pleasure with a curious, open, and non-goal-oriented mindset, simply exploring what feels good in the body without pressure or judgment.

5. Integrative wellbeing: Bonnie sees pleasure as integral to overall wellbeing, as it can reduce stress, increase energy, boost creativity, and support healthy relationships.

The key is that pleasure, for Bonnie, is not just about sexual function or performance, but about cultivating a rich, embodied, and nourishing relationship with one's senses, sensations, and capacity for joy. It's a holistic approach to reclaiming one's birthright to feel good in the body. Amen Sister!!!

How Yoni Mapping Increases Your Experience of Pleasure

Bonnie & I also talk about Yoni Mapping. I realize that this is probably a new term for many women and men. Yoni is the sanskrit word for Vulva (the ancient language of India and Hinduism).

Yoni Mapping is a form of self-exploration and body awareness that involves mapping the contours and sensations of your vulva and vagina. It's a practice rooted in mindfulness and can be a powerful tool for:

• Increased self-awareness and sensitivity: Yoni mapping involves intentionally exploring and connecting with the internal and external areas of the vulva and vagina. This practice can help you become more aware of the sensations and responses in these areas, leading to greater sensitivity and pleasure.

• Reclaiming ownership of the body: By taking the time to intimately explore your own genitals, you can reclaim a sense of ownership and comfort with this often-taboo area of the body. This can help release shame or negative associations.

• Discovering new erogenous zones: Through the Yoni mapping process, you may discover new areas of sensitivity or pleasure, such as the G-spot or cervix, that you were previously unaware of. This can expand your understanding of their your own sexual response.

• Improved communication with partners: When you have a deeper understanding of your own body and preferences, you are better equipped to communicate your needs and desires to partners, leading to more fulfilling and pleasurable sexual experiences.

• Reduced sexual challenges: Yoni mapping can help address issues like numbness, pain, or difficulty reaching orgasm by increasing blood flow, sensitivity, and awareness in your pelvic region.

  The key is to approach Yoni mapping with curiosity, self-compassion, and without any goal-oriented expectations. By making it a regular practice, you can develop a more intimate, positive, and empowered relationship with your body and your sexuality.

Sign up for Bonnie’s free Self Yoni Mapping training replay:

Now it’s your turn

What is your take away from this issue?

What score would you rate yourself regarding your ability to feel sensual pleasure? One a scale of 0-10 with 0 being “I don’t feel any pleasure, just numbness” and 10 being “I can achieve an orgasmic state from watching a beautiful sunset”, what are you currently? (no judgements, just a check in to where you are currently)

Have you tried or are willing to try Yoni Mapping? What is stopping you? You don’t need to have a partner to benefit. If you are a little curious, but nervous, you can sign up for Bonnie’s free replay of her Yoni Mapping Master Class and start by just watching it.

See you again next Friday!

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