_{Does Cleaning/Decluttering Increase Libido?}

Happy Friday Beautiful,

I’m writing this newsletter after spending the morning and early afternoon yesterday doing some much needed cleaning and decluttering. When I began at 9 a.m. I felt tired, unmotivated, resentful that I was spending my first free workday in ages doing housework, and disgusted with myself that everywhere I looked I saw clutter and dust bunnies galore.

Can you relate? How is that papers and laundry and dishes and so much “stuff” piles up to the point that you question whether you are considered a horder? Or it just me? It’s embarassing and frankly I feel like a failure because I can’t invite friends or my partner over to my home when it looks like this, and that feels bad.

I began my day with a bribe I made to myself the night before, that after a nice long morning walk with my dog Ollie, I would commit to just 30 minutes of straightening before I would either shower, go to the gym, or begin my newsletter (I planned to do all three but didn’t have a set order).

I distinctly remember how overwhelmed and unmotivated I felt because my home’s disarray has been staring me in the face daily for the past month as I get home from work and each morning when I wake up (sigh).

The reason that I committed to starting my cleaning/decluttering, began with discovering an amazing podcast episode on the previous Sunday. The guest, Tj Power talked about four of our brain’s major neurotransmitters and gave them the acronym DOSE, dopamine, oxytocin, seratonin, and endorphins. He wrote a book by the same name that is coming out 1/1/25.

I have a link to this YouTube podcast episode below (it is almost two hours long, so break it up for better retention), but I also decided to create a Lunch & Learn talk on what I’ve learned from Tj, for a presentation later this month. I find that when I take a topic that I enjoy and create a presentation (or talk about it on my podcast), it helps me absorb, process, and retain the information even more.

The way Tj breaks the four neurotransmitters down so clearly in how they work, why our modern lifestyle has hijacked these neurotransmitters, and what you can do to create more of them in your brain/body is genius. I wanted to share a few of the take-aways with you in hopes that you can try a tip or two to increase your feelings of happiness, connection with others, and motivation levels.

I’ll cover Dopamine and Oxytocin this week and introduce Serotonin and Endorphins next week or the week after that.

Now, you are probably wondering why I titled this week’s edition of Bloom with the question of “Can decluttering make you feel frisky/horny” (insert Austin Powers’ accent here) and I’m happy to tell you.

I’ve been part of more than a few online cleaning/decluttering challenges (especially during Covid lockdown 2020-21) and an interesting side effect proclaimed by many of the women in each challenge was an increase in their libido. Interesting huh?

No one could give me a good reason from a neuroscience perspective, but the layman’s answer was, when you remove physical and emotional distractions in your home and mind, you tend to feel better about yourself and you now have more bandwidth to be open to connecting with your partner (or yourself).

I think that having higher levels of dopamine (by cleaning/decluttering) and oxytocin (by connecting with other women online through a mutual challenge and perhaps offering words of encouragement or being seen and congratulated by others) creates better self image and invites more opportunities to connect with partners.

Feel free to share your thoughts/insights with me after reading this newsletter or watching the podcast with Tj Power, because I am very interested in your feedback and about what gets in YOUR way of experiencing more pleasure.

Feature Article

How Dopamine & Oxytocin make you feel good

A. Dopamine= Motivation and a feeling of accomplishment

The "law of dopamine" refers to the principle that in order to maintain healthy dopamine levels and motivation, you should take action when you wake up every day. The key points are:

1. Dopamine is the brain's motivation chemical. It drives us to take action towards goals and rewards.

2. In the modern world, our dopamine system is often overstimulated and disrupted by things like social media, video games, and instant gratification (think microwaved food, DoorDash, Amazon purchases with same day delivery, and hundreds of movies/sitcoms at our fingertips…no more waiting each week for an episode of our favorite TV show to air).

3. When you wake up in the morning, your dopamine levels are at their baseline. Taking immediate action upon waking is crucial to boost dopamine and kickstart your motivation for the day.

4. The longer you delay taking action in the morning, the more likely you are to experience low dopamine and struggle with procrastination or apathy.

5. Simple activities like getting out of bed, making your bed, exercising, or tackling a small task can all help raise dopamine levels first thing.

6. Taking a 30 second cold shower finish at the end of your warm shower boosts dopamine. If you are hard-core: a cold water immersion (Google it) can boost dopamine by 250%. I prefer the 30 second to 1 minute cold shower finish while I loudly repeat, “I can do hard things”. 

7. Tj explains how organizing and maintaining a clean home environment contributes to higher motivation and focus (e.g., higher dopamine levels)

It’s crucial for your well-being to not get sucked into passive, dopamine-draining behaviors like scrolling social media right after waking up. Instead, prioritize active, effortful tasks to naturally elevate your dopamine level

B. Oxytocin = Connection to others (love, trust, and empathy)

This chemical is essential for relationships and a fulfilling life. The modern challenge to oxytocin levels is social media (which reduces dopamine levels as well) AND the lack of physical connection.

The "law of oxytocin" is the principle that in order to boost your oxytocin levels and experience greater connection and fulfillment, you should make someone else happy every day. The key points are:

1. Oxytocin is known as the "love hormone" and is crucial for forming strong social bonds and feelings of trust and empathy.

2. In the modern, individualistic society, we tend to be overly focused on ourselves (self centered) and our own needs, which can deplete oxytocin levels.

3. By making a conscious effort to do something that makes someone else happy each day, you can naturally increase your own oxytocin.

4. This could be simple acts of kindness, like buying a stranger a coffee, helping a friend or family member with a task, or just giving someone a heartfelt compliment.

5. The key is to shift your focus outward and think about how you can positively impact the lives of others, rather than just yourself.

6. When you see the joy and appreciation in someone else's face as a result of your actions, it triggers an oxytocin release in your own brain.

7. Over time, regularly engaging in these small acts of service and contribution can build up your oxytocin levels and foster a greater sense of connection, empathy and overall well-being.

8. Tj also emphasizes the importance of quality and quantity of eye contact while socializing and active listening for deeper human connection.

These suggestions counteract the isolating effects of modern life, cultivate more meaningful relationships and a stronger sense of community.

But Wait, there’s More…... Oxytocin is also produced when you connect with yourself and/or practice gratitude

It involves being nicer to yourself. Self-connection and self-compassion can also help boost oxytocin levels, in addition to connecting with others. Here's how:

1. Self-Connection:
- Many people struggle with being overly critical or judgmental towards themselves.
- Negative self-talk and lack of self-acceptance can actually lower oxytocin levels.
- When you are able to develop a more positive, caring relationship with yourself, it triggers the release of oxytocin.

2. Self-Compassion:
- Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, empathy and understanding that you would offer a close friend.
- When you are able to be self-compassionate during difficult times, instead of harshly criticizing yourself, it activates the oxytocin system. It starts with giving yourself permission to be kind to yourself.

3. Gratitude:
- Practicing gratitude, or focusing on the positive aspects of your life and yourself, is another way to boost oxytocin.
- When you take time to appreciate your strengths, accomplishments and the good things in your life, it signals to your brain that you are safe and cared for.
- Positively focusing on what is going well in your life triggers the release of oxytocin (which is the opposite of when you compare yourself to others and focus on things that you don’t have).

The key is shifting away from self-criticism and towards self-acceptance and self-care. For most of us, this will be a life-long practice of quieting the “inner critic” and finding (and implementing) ways to be kinder to ourselves.

Now it’s your turn

What is your take away from this issue?

For me there was a lot.

Neurotransmitters can and do fluctuate. I now know that I have more control over my mood by choosing better behaviors like continuing to reduce time on my phone (especially in the morning) and knowing that it takes more than 15 minutes of cleaning/decluttering activities before I can feel the dopamine effects.

I also learned why it feels good when I give a stranger a compliment, like “that’s a beautiful dress” or “I love your hair” (oxytocin) and why giving massages to my clients feels good to me (physical touch and helping others feel good = oxytocin).

Which neurotransmitter feels most relevant to your well-being and ability to feel good? Oxytocin or Dopamine?

What tip(s) are you going to try to this week to raise your dopamine and/or oxytocin levels?

See you again next Friday!

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